Bitch (Poetry, Rough Draft)


You walk in

long legs

silken hair

steal a kiss

a caress


and then slip away

leaving nothing.

No word of affection

nor kiss goodbye.




~ by brokenrazor on July 21, 2008.

3 Responses to “Bitch (Poetry, Rough Draft)”

  1. Hmmm…this needs some revision i think. It doesnt quite seem to flow right. The broken lines seem very jagged. The last line tells us the speaker is upset, but before that, we dont know for sure what they are feeling (Sadness, sorrow, anger, passing pleasure, etc). The title helps, but ignoring that…

  2. I think that jagged is appropriate for the sentiment of the poem 🙂

  3. i like it. I think the form goes with the subject. I just sort of pause to wonder whom it’s about.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: